Adventures in Calgary

Today we took Molly to her first TV shoot. Randy was in town from Toronto shooting some car stuff on Prince's Island Park. It was a gorgeous day. Molly was awesome. We kept to the shade and she got to feel the grass on her bare feet for the first time. A big day for sure! It was great seeing Randy and Gary again. It's amazing how much my life has changed since working in Toronto.

And just for the record Noel and Molly did very well last night. The awards show was fun but I didn't stay out as late as I'd anticipated...I was just too tired and my feet were too sore (damn new high heels). Trent won a bunch of awards which was great and I got to see Dave Delibato which was a huge surprise. He's working at Trigger now.

Next time I'm going to pump the second I get home. I didn't do that last night and boy was I sore all night and most of the day today.

Tonight is my first night out since Molly's arrival. The fridge is full of breast milk and I am soooo excited...a bit nervous but I know Molly and Noel will be fine. Ad Rodeo - here I come!

This morning we sang Happy Birthday to Molly and she laughed and laughed. Then we took her to get her first shots...needless to say she wasn't laughing then. I was pretty stressed about the whole thing but it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd made it out to be in my head. I had to hold her arm away and hold her leg down while the nurse gave her 3 shots (two in one leg, one in the other). Molly cried but I managed not to. She's been either sleeping or crying ever since but at least she doesn't have a fever or anything like that yet.

According to the scales today Molly weighs 9lbs 12ozs which means she only gained 1oz in the last week...what is weight anyway??? She's withing the healthy range for weight and height and that's all that matters.

Last night we got together with the other couples from our birth class. It was so great to see them all again and to meet their babies. Molly was definitely the smallest baby (she's also the youngest by a couple of hours) and we think she was also the cutest - but I guess we have to think that don't we??? We met at the local Gymboree so that we could see what it was all about. I was really impressed with their program. I think I'll totally sign up for the next session in June.

Yesterday was our busiest day yet. It started for Noel and Molly around 6 am when then got up to watch a bike race. Noel got Molly all decked out in her yellow jersey so that Michelle (another insane person for getting up so early on a weekend) could see how her gift looked on Molly. Next we were all off to Uncle Jim's for brunch. It's always great seeing Cori and Jim and the kids. Cami was great with Molly yesterday. Jim made us eggs benny - yum. Next stop...Market Mall so that I could return a top and get my new jeans shortened. Then it was off to Redwood Meadows for Sophia's 1st birthday party. This was Molly's first birthday party and I'm sure no other party will ever live up to it. Jenn and Rudi (and Rachel) really did an incredible job of organizing and decorating the party. The kids all had a blast. Molly really enjoyed meeting Sally and even gave her some smiles and coos. I think we'll have to recruit Jenn when it comes time to plan Molly's birthday celebrations...speaking of which Molly is 8 weeks old today and she turns 2 months this Thursday but instead of a party we're getting her shots done! After the party we headed back to town and over to Grandma Nancy's for dinner. For all that running around Molly did very well. She was very upset and cried a lot in the car which is somewhat unusual but I think she was just in need of some quiet time. When we finally got home last night she conked out and so did I. I don't think I'll be planning so many things in one day again for a long, long time. Perhaps at Christmas but that's about it. Today has been a pj day. We've been napping and relaxing all day long and although Molly has been a bit fussier than usual, I think we're well on track for feeling better again.

Today's new trick...Molly has started to use her tongue to suck her upper lip in and out. It looks very strange and sounds even stranger.

Today's new toy...Molly tried out her new Aquarium Bouncer (borrowed from Cori and Jim). She seems to like it so far. I bet she'll like it a lot more once we get the batteries for it to vibrate.

Molly has graduated to size 1 diapers - no more newborn huggies for her - and last night she slept for 8 hours! It was awesome. Noel and I were both slightly worried when 6 hours came and went without a stir from Molly but like Angela says 'never wake a sleeping baby'. Here's hoping the 8 hour sleep thing becomes a regular thing.

What a great long weekend we had. It is amazing how much better things are when we're both home. Just that one extra day on the weekend made all the difference.

Good Friday we took our new Chariot stroller for a spin. I had to laugh at what we've become - the yuppie chariot pushing suburbanites heading off to Starbucks for our morning outting...the only thing we're missing now is a dog (and NO we are not getting a dog anytime soon). Friday night we went to Melinda and Brent's for a wonderful ham dinner. I told Melinda I'd bring dessert and in a moment of inspiration I decided to make "Jesus Cake"...just a cool whip covered chocolate layer cake in the shape of a cross with raspberries down the centre so that it bleeds when you cut it. It was fun to make, it got a few laughs, and it was tasty - what more could you ask for?

The other big thing that happened on Friday was I went shopping. Zoe had told me that Banana Republic was THE place to go for adult clothes that were still somewhat cool but not too young looking. I'd been crushed on my last outting because I needed jeans despirately but couldn't find any that didn't show my butt crack. Man was Zoe right. I was able to spend a fortune at BR. I got jeans, capris, khakis, 2 t-shirts, 1 blouse, and 1 tank top. And the best part of shopping at BR is that I fit into their SIZE 4 PANTS!!! Now I don't think I'm really a size 4 but if they're willing to make clothes that say I am, I'm willing to buy them! Now all I need are some new shoes to go with my new clothes. Maybe this weekend.

Saturday Noel's mom and sister Jess came over for a visit in the morning and then we watched Memoirs of a Geisha.

Sunday we were supposed to have Easter dinner with Noel's family but Andrew was sick and dinner was cancelled so we headed off to Turner and Ashley's instead. It was great. They always have such fun dinner parties. Turner's mom is in town from Nova Scotia and she cooked a fabulous turkey dinner. I had to shovel it in as usual so I could feed Molly - I'm pretty sure I can break speed records for eating these days. I don't think I could slow down if I tried.

It's great being around other people with kids and seeing what we're in store for. Sloane is awesome! She is signing now as a way to communicate. She loved seeing Molly. She kept coming to see what we were up to while I was feeding Molly. The coolest thing was that as the party got louder, Molly's coos and giggles kept getting louder to make sure she was heard. She really is great in a crowd. I just hope she stays comfortable in social situations.

This is a picture of 'the girls' at Easter. Note the new shirt I'm wearing!

Molly and I went downtown yesterday for our first non-suburban adventure. I was surprisingly apprehensive about the outting - it was our longest outting yet. Our first stop was my hairdresser for a much needed trim. Of course my appointment coincided with Molly's feeding schedule but I had a plan. I would stall her while they washed my hair, then I could feed her while I got a conditioning treatment, and she'd be a happy baby in time for my haircut. But in true Molly fashion, she dashed all my plans. She just slept and slept. She's never slept as long during the day. She slept through the appointment and then all the way to my office. She even slept through all my coworkers cooing and trying to wake her up. She finally woke up and I got the pleasure of breastfeeding in the boardroom. Talk about a shocker! It wasn't enough being the ONLY person walking around downtown with a stroller but to be at my office breastfeeding - nothing quite hits home how much my life has changed like that. After a feed of Indian food (yum - and since Molly is gasy all the time anyway...why not?!?!) it was off to Noel's office for more show and tell. We had one more stop that afternoon and of course it was time for Molly to eat again so I got to feed her in the backseat of our car. I do like the convenience of knowing I always have what Molly needs (food wise anyway) but I'm still shocked by how few people find it acceptable to breastfeed in public places. I'm not one to hide away. I don't like feeling like I have to close myself off in a room somewhere when what I'm doing is completely natural. I still can't figure out how to manage the blanket over Molly's head while she's feeding...I need to see what she's doing - especially after all the trouble we're still having with getting the right latch. Ah well, I'm sure it'll all get easier as we both learn a bit more about what we're doing. Tonight it's off to a Passover feast at Claude and Faye's. I hope Molly doesn't scream the whole way through.

Today Molly is 6 weeks old...the magical age where all our problems disappear. I still don't really understand why everyone (and I do mean everyone) insists that things are hardest before 6 weeks but I'm hoping they're right and that it'll be nothing but smooth sailing for the next 35 years.

Yesterday Molly was eating every 2 hours and I thought it was growth spurt time but it only seemed to last the day (and from what I hear growth spurts last 2-3 days) so I think we still have that to look forward to.

This morning we went for our follow-up appointment with the Foothills Breastfeeding Clinic. I was hoping the doctor would declare me a yeast-free zone so that I could start pumping breastmilk and storing it but no such luck. Looks like I've got at least one more week (I've been treating yeast for 3.5 weeks now) of treatment for us.

Molly is 9 lbs today.

Molly started to laugh today. It was awesome. I took a million shots trying to capture it and luckily this was one of them. We're both feeling so much better. Feeding is finally working for us. My lactation counsellor warns me that breastfeeding is like giving birth in that there will be times when you make progress and times when you backslide but not to get too stressed about it. Molly seems to be on a 3-4 hour schedule which is great. I actually feel like I have so much free time now since she sleeps a lot of the time. I could actually be pretty productive if I didn't spend most of my time 'HOLDING BABY'. She is already teaching me so much about enjoying the moment and not trying to rush through life.

At this time I would also like to send out a formal thank-you to my two angels of mercy from this week. I don't think I could've survived without the help of Ang and the Rapper. Ang for her words of wisdom, breast pump, and sense of humour. Michelle for her time, lunch, cookies, company, and total support.

Not only was Molly born a blonde...she was born a blonde with a little dark MULLET! It's hard to capture the true beauty that is her mullet but at least this gives you an idea.







Other interesting Molly facts...

She likes to coo after every sneeze
She loves to watch the flying bears (mobile for her pack and play) and will coo at them if they stop
She grunts a lot
She screams before she farts in her sleep (but supposedly all babies do this - which was news to me)
She likes to hide her face behind her arm when she is feeding

These are some of the photos that Noel didn't post that I really like from when Molly was born...Including a photo of Molly's wrinkly, purple old man monkey toes. Even though she was born a day before her due date, the doctor's figure she was late because when she came out her hands and feet were really, really wrinkly and dry and my placenta had already started to calcify. Speaking of my placenta...it was tiny. It fit in a ziplock bag! I was suprised that something that small could sustain Molly for all those months. It only made 30 or so pills for me to take - but that's not my story to tell. Feel free to ask Noel all about that.

You may've read Noel's posts from during my labour, and my doula's account of Molly's birth but here's my side of the story...

I warn you it's very, very long.

Sunday February 26th I woke up to discover some blood in my unders…something I’d been hoping to see, as I knew it would signal the beginning of our journey. I was somewhat scared but mostly excited to see what labour would be like – especially after months of prep classes. At this point my focus was still on labour and not really on what labour would lead to – our baby!

The biggest thing that hit me at this point was that we were doing all this so far away from my family. After lots of tears and some long phone calls to mom/dad and aunt Helen I felt a bit better.

The rest of the day went ahead pretty much as planned. The neighbours had organized a party to celebrate our upcoming birth and to say good-bye to some of the gang that was moving off the street. I was having some mild contractions all day but it was nice to be at the party – it was a wonderful distraction.

That night my contractions started to get regular around 11 pm. I was laying in bed watching the clock to see how long they were lasting and how far apart they were when I decided that it was stupid to just lay there counting. I ended up getting up and going downstairs where I was able to listen to my ‘relaxed birth’ play list on the IPOD and do a bit of cooking. I made a couple baked pasta dishes for in the freezer between contractions. Basically, I would just go about whatever I was doing until a contraction, and then I would walk in clockwise circles around the carpet singing along to the play list until it was over. I also tried some floor positions and to lay down for a bit and rest between contractions. I desperately wanted to call Tania but I knew it was too early yet. She had explained to me that she was my ‘break glass in case of emergency’ person – not someone to be called in before I was in dire need.

I think my singing or pacing woke Noel up around 3 am but I sent him back to bed – I was managing on my own at this point and I knew I’d need him soon enough so I wanted him as rested as possible. He went back to bed for a couple hours (not to sleep) and then came back down to hang out with me around 5 am.

Together we started timing the contractions, and waiting for the clock to turn 6 am so that I could finally call Tania and tell her that my labour had started. She told me it would be a long while yet and to try to rest and relax as much as possible. At her prompting I laid down for a couple of hours and was able to slow my contractions down enough that I got some good sleep. Around 8:30 or 9 am I was awake and the contractions were coming stronger and longer. I called Tania again and she told me I should be going to see Dr. Oyebanji at 11:30 am to see how far along I was. The thought of going to the doctor’s office when I was in labour was not exactly appealing. I really didn’t feel comfortable being around strangers when I was in pain, moaning and generally just feeling very vulnerable. After much, much debate with Tania and Noel, I decided I should go and see the doctor – if for no other reason other than to get a better idea of what I was in for. At this point I’d been having regular contractions for 12 hours and I wanted to see if I’d made any progress at all. My biggest fear was that she would examine me and tell me that I wasn’t dilated at all. Many of my friends had gone to the hospital after hours of labour only to be sent home again because they weren’t dilated. I did not want to hear anything that discouraging…but at the same time I wanted to know if I was making progress. So I got dressed and Noel and I headed to the doctor’s office. It was hard not being able to pace or move during the contractions on our way there but it’s not that far so I wasn’t freaking out. I made Noel go in and tell them I was there so that I wouldn’t have to wait around in the waiting room where everyone would be subjected to my moaning/pacing. He went inside and came right back out again…Dr. Oyebanji was ready to see me. I had to take the elevator up to the second floor because the contractions were coming pretty close. The couple of people that were waiting the office looked pretty surprised to see a woman in labour in the office.

We quickly filled the doctor in on what had been going on and informed her that I was pretty afraid that I hadn’t progressed yet. She told me she would examine me but then she kept leaving the room. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing. Then I realized she was leaving during all my contractions. I finally told her that they were pretty regular and she would have to examine me quickly. Now Dr. Oyebanji is a pretty relaxed/cool doctor. She has a great sense of humour. She isn’t always the most thorough or organized but she is wonderfully compassionate and caring. She did the examination and then told me it would “still be days yet”. I nearly died. I think she saw the look of horror/anger in my eyes because she quickly told me she was joking and that I was already 4 cms dilated. She told me I should go to the hospital in 2 hours or when my water broke. I told her I had an experienced doula and that I wanted to stay at home as long as possible and she was cool with that.

As we were leaving the doctor’s office I was calling Tania to tell her to get over to my house ASAP. She was having none of that. She still figured I had a while to go yet and said she’d come at 1 pm. I was pretty angry about that at the time…I kept complaining to Noel about how much she cost and why wouldn’t she come??? Noel was being incredible through all this. He was holding me during contractions as I rocked and moaned. He was reminding me to keep my tone low so that my pelvic floor would open. He was getting me food…oh yeah food. Tania had told us that I needed to be eating and drinking so that I could keep my energy up. Before going to the doctor Noel made me some toast with honey. I think I got 2 bites down before I started to feel really, really sick. I am not one who throws up often – in fact it scares me to death but throw up I did. Noel came to help me and rub my back. This was the first moment of the day that I felt bad that Noel had to see me when I was in such bad shape. I’m not used to anyone seeing me in such a weakened/needy state. He was great about it though – he never made me feel uncomfortable or self-conscious.

Back to waiting for Tania to show up. One o’clock came and went. Contractions continued. Noel and I were downstairs rocking our way through the pain. Tania finally came in around 1:20 pm. Now you might think that 20 minutes late really isn’t that big a deal and I’d probably agree with you on any other day. But when you’re in labour and your labour support person isn’t there – the person you chose and paid to help you and your husband though – you get pretty miffed pretty fast.

When she arrived she immediately started doing counter pressure on my lower back/hips while Noel continued to be my rocking partner. It was AWESOME! It felt so great to be sandwiched between two people who where there to help me. I can’t even begin to describe the relief. And then when the contraction was over Tania tickled my back to help me relax completely. Now anyone who has known me for any length of time knows what I sucker I am for being tickled. I constantly pester Noel to tickle my arm or my back. My parents started me off on it when I was just a little girl and to this day my mom will offer to tickle my back if I’m not feeling well. That Tania did this unprompted (I think I may’ve mentioned that I liked being tickled in my birth plan but I wasn’t thinking of that at this point) filled me with joy. It was like going to heaven. And it worked like a charm. She would tickle my back or rub my head and I’d forget about the contractions completely.

Soon we moved upstairs to the loft/nursery. Tania suggested I try to get some more rest and she showed me a laying down position that would help open my hips but still allow me to rest. It was great. I was lying on the couch. Noel was at my head helping me focus during contractions. Tania was at my feet, rubbing my legs and keeping me relaxed. I had a magic bag on my back and another on my neck. I was having a lot of temperature issues – I was hot one minute and freezing the next but I was dozing off – actually dozing off between contractions.

Like all the other positions we tried, it only worked for so long. Then I was off to the bathroom for some toilet time. Everything I’d read said that sitting on the toilet was a great way to progress labour because it is the only place we naturally relax our pelvic floor. So in I went and I started a new chant – “open, open, open” as I rocked back and forth. Tania encouraged Noel to come into the bathroom with me and this is the second time I felt bad that Noel had to see me like that. I got over it pretty quick though.

When that position had run it’s course, Tania suggested I try hanging from the bathroom door. Man did that suck!!! It really, really hurt my back. I have a history of back trouble. I was very worried about back labour because of this history. I’m pretty sure what I experienced wasn’t back labour instead, I would have a contraction and then my back would go into spasm right after. The contractions where bad but the spasms were horrible and they were getting worse as the day went on.

Since hanging from the doorframe didn’t work, Tania suggested we try some squats. I’d been practicing squatting the week before so I was ready. We moved into the sun in the spare room. Tania sat on the bed holding my hands and down I went into a very, very deep squat. I thought I was going to be torn in two! I felt such intense pressure on my pubic bone I thought I was going to die. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I think this is the first time I swore (but not the last) that day. Tania laughed at me and suggested I try again but maybe not go so deep. I tried again and it still felt like I was going to be torn in two. I told her no more. And just as I was about to resume my pacing/moaning my water broke. It was such a huge gush and relief. It felt wonderful. My first thought was “I wonder if the poise panties are working”. Yes, I’d been wearing poise underwear – the ones for people with no bladder control – all day so that there wouldn’t be a mess if/when my water broke. For the record, poise panties are awesome. Not only did they absorb all my water, they were comfy to wear which is rare when you’re that pregnant.

Now the doctor said to go to the hospital in 2 hours or when my water broke. 2 hours had some and gone about 3 hours ago but I didn’t think anything of it until now. When my water broke I immediately felt the urge to push. And not just a little urge to push…I wanted to push with all my might. The contractions were coming really close together now, and lasting a long time and I wanted to push – AND I WASN’T IN THE HOSPITAL YET. I started freaking out. How was I going to get to the hospital when I was in this much pain???? Tania stayed cool and tried to keep me calm…not an easy task at this point. I was in full-on panic!

At this point, Tania also had to leave to go and teach her prenatal class so Jen was on her way to cover for her. I didn’t want to wait for Jen to arrive. I knew the baby was coming and fast. But luckily Jen showed up pretty quickly and together, Jen and Tania were able to get me down the stairs, into my shoes and out to the car without any hyperventilating – there was lots and lots of screaming though.

I barely remember the car ride. Jen was in the back seat, Noel was driving. I know we hit at least one red light and Noel was worried because it was rush hour. We pulled up to the hospital and there was some debate as to whether or not I needed a wheel chair to get to the 5th floor. Noel figured there was no way I was walking anywhere so he got me a wheelchair. It took a while for me to be able to get out of the car and into the chair. Jen wheeled me into the hospital while Noel went to park the car. If only there was valet parking for just such times! As Jen was pushing me into the hospital she was reminding me to stay in my “Zone” and not to feel too self-conscious. I remember thinking “whatever – like I care what anyone thinks”. My eyes were closed as she wheeled me to labour and delivery but I could hear people – random strangers – offering me encouragement. One told me to breathe through my nose. Another gave me a pat on the shoulder and told me I could do it! It was so strange but I was beyond caring.

We were shown directly to a delivery room – no triage for me. I got undressed and was examined. I was fully dilated! Dr. Oyebanji scolded me for not coming sooner – she said I was lucky I didn’t give birth in the car. I think she was just covering her butt since she’s the one who told me to stay at home as long as possible.

It was officially time to push – like my body hadn’t decided that already at home!

At this point my back was a mess…I was having strong back spasms after every contraction and it really limited what positions I could sit in. They tried to get my legs up on the labour bar – no way! I tried pulling on a towel that was draped over the labour bar. I spent most of my pushing leaning over the back of the bed. Every time it was time to push someone (I have no idea who) kept telling me not to make any noise because it was wasting pushing energy. That seemed slightly insane but I went with it as much as I could. I found it nearly impossible not to grunt while I was pushing but I did my best to follow instructions. I started to feel the burn of the baby’s head and we moved me to a position where I was hanging over the birth bar in a sort of squat. The doctor told me she could see about a dime-sized amount of the baby’s head but that it was still coming and going with each push. She wanted me to try to get it to stay in place with the next push. All of a sudden I was pushing again. And Molly’s head wasn’t just in place…it came right now. People started to tell me not to push anymore but like I said before my body had other ideas. There was no stopping the pushing and next thing I knew I felt a weird squirmy thing falling out and the most wonderful feeling of relief ever! Molly had just fallen out all on her own. I didn’t know it but the doctor was on the phone, the nurse wasn’t anywhere near either. No one expected her to come so quickly. There was a mad scramble for people to put on gloves etc. I looked down and saw Molly’s purple little feet. Jen tried to get me to touch her but my immediate reaction was “no thanks”. It was still so overwhelming. I still couldn’t believe that a baby had just come out of me!!!! I think it was only a second or two before I did reach down and touch Molly and it was so wonderful. I remember looking at her and looking at Noel – my family and I was so happy. When they put her up on my chest she looked right up at me and then over at Noel. I couldn’t believe how alert she was. It was amazing. In that moment where she was looking up at us – alert and curious I was so happy that I hadn’t had any drugs to dull this moment.

The rest of the details are a bit of a blur. I’m not sure what order things happened. I helped push out my placenta. A resident came to talk to the doctor about doing my stitches. Noel’s mom showed up and held the baby. I was freezing cold and shivering so they kept putting warm blankets on me. They gave me a bit of toast.

Then the real fun started. The head of obstetrics showed up to check me out and gave the nurse hell for giving me toast. He was so mean. I couldn’t understand it. And then he started to explain that there was no way I could have an epidural now – I’d have to wait at least 6 hours. EPIDERAL?!?!? I couldn’t believe my ears. I’d already given birth…why would I need an epidural? He explained that there was no way I was going to want to get stitches with just general freezing. This was all very disturbing. I didn’t even know I was torn – let alone torn enough to warrant an epidural. I asked him to give me a few minutes to talk to Noel and decide what to do.

There was no way I wanted an epidural. Dr. Oyebanji and the others said they thought I could handle the stitches without it. So we called him back and I promised to co-operate with him under local.

Jen and the nurse wheeled me into an operating room. It was awesome to be flat on my back being wheeled though a hospital – it felt like I was on TV or something.

They did the freezing and that wasn’t too bad. Then they did the worst of the stitches – again not too bad at all. Then the “easy” stuff started to be done and I started freaking out. It felt like the resident was trying to climb into my anus. It was horrible. I kept asking him to warn me before touching me but he kept forgetting. I don’t think he froze the area he was working in or near because I could feel everything. I couldn’t stop myself from tensing up and that made everything feel that much worse. He kept mopping up with a sponge and by the end I was threatening him that if he touched me with that sponge one more time it would be his last! It was awful. I was ready to kill that resident by the time it was over. I was so tense I ended up getting IV narcotics and gas – neither worked. In fact, I had to beg them to take the gas off my face. I explained that it was making it hard for me to breathe but they wanted me to keep it on anyway. I ended up promising that I would relax my legs and not flinch if they would just take off the mask. Supposedly Noel was told the surgery would take about 20 minutes but I was gone for an hour or longer.

After surgery I was brought back to my delivery room and allowed to have a shower. That was the best feeling shower ever. I was still shivering uncontrollably from all the hormones and exhaustion so once I got into the hot shower I never wanted to come out.

Then it was time to go to the post-partum unit. I think it was around midnight or 1 am by the time we got there. This time is a bit of a blur as well…Noel was with me but then Tania came and said that Jen had lost her purse somewhere. They wanted to check our car and then they took our keys so they could check the house. It was really confusing and quite stressful – especially when all Noel wanted to do was hang with us before going home for the night.

The next thing I remember clearly is the nurse asking if I wanted to learn how to bathe Molly. I couldn’t believe it. It was 2 am or something ridiculous like that. I’d just finished giving birth and having surgery and they wanted to teach me how to bathe her now?!?!?! Needless to say I told them NO WAY and went to sleep. From what they tell me they took her away, bathed her and then brought her back a couple hours later so that I could get some rest before our first real attempt at feeding.

I must say that while Jen says I fed Molly in the delivery room…I really don’t think I did. I think she nuzzled my breast a bit but that was about it.

Breastfeeding was a bit of a challenge for Molly and I right from the start. That first night I had to get the nurse to come and help me at every feeding because Molly wanted her hands in her mouth or on my breast constantly. Basically the nurse had to hold her hands away so that I could get her mouth anywhere near my breast. I think I had to have someone help me with almost every feeding for the entire time I was in the hospital. And that was a long time – especially when I’d hoped to go home the next day!

I didn’t even think to ask for a private room when Jen wheeled me in. My first roommate was recovering from a C-section. She was quiet and nice and liked to sing to her baby. We didn’t talk much at all but I liked listening to her interact with her baby. Then I had a day and a night with no roommate and that was heaven!!! Then Midge came. Oh Midge.

Midge was a young single native woman who had just delivered her fourth baby boy via C-section. When she moved into the room she was terribly upset that she’d had another boy and that she’d had her tubes tied so now she’d never get to have a baby girl. She just kept repeating how much she had hoped for a little girl, then she’d vomit, then she’d buzz the nurses looking for more drugs for the pain – the kind you put in the IV. It was a nightmare! As the evening progressed I got to listen to her try to bribe her boyfriend into coming to visit her and the baby. I got to listen to her explain to the nurses that this baby didn’t look like all her other babies and that it might not be her boyfriend’s baby after all. I got to smell the hamburger and fries her birth partner (I think it was her sister) was eating while Midge was vomiting. Midge never turned off the TV. She never turned down her phone. She never cleaned up after herself in the bathroom. And she never stopped asking for better drugs. The nurses kept trying to get Midge to talk to a counselor but she didn’t want to have any of that.

I hate to admit it but I was terrified that she was going to try to steal Molly. It didn’t help that my nurse told me not to leave her alone in the room.

After one night with Midge I needed to go home. But no such luck. The only doctor that would bother to see me wouldn’t let me go home until I’d had a bowel movement – something that all my nurses were shocked by since they’d never heard that said to anyone before. This is when I commenced project laxative. I was taking 2 stool softeners a day, eating all bran bars, drinking Metamucil, and eating prunes - all to no avail. I even asked…yes asked for a suppository – that’s how desperate I was to get home. That didn’t work either. I ended up having to stay another night. The next day I finally convinced a doctor to let me out! And that’s when things really started to get interesting! But if you think my birth story is long, I won’t even try to explain what happened when we got home and started our lives as TEAM CORKEY FLATTERS.

Friday I had a private lactation counsellor come into the house to see what was going on with my nipple pain and aching breasts. Turns out I wasn't latching right at all. Once she showed me how to get Molly closer to my breast and keep her there a lot of the pain went away. She was also able to explain to me why Molly was so squirmy on my breast and gassy...I have too much milk coming too quickly for her to handle. She showed me how to adjust my positions to try to slow down the flow.

Now we're totally off of any feeding routine as we adjust to our improved position.

Since I wasn't feeling as much (if any) nipple pain, I was able to really try to figure out the burning/aching breast pain that I was getting after feeding. I noticed that my nipples turn white after feeds and that the burning/aching happens at the same time.

Today I went to the Foothills breastfeeding clinic. Man I wish I'd gone there from day one. They were so incredibly helpful. The doctor there thinks I do have some yeast (I had hoped that I didn't after all but no luck). She gave me a prescription for an oral mediation and another prescription for Molly - but this time I got the proper instructions on how to give it to her. She checked my latch and says it's still not deep enough. She also showed me some other new positions to help slow down the milk.

It turns out that having too much milk too quickly can be a real problem. Because Molly can't take the flow, she doesn't end up eating very much at all at a feed which means she needs to feed really often to get the calories she needs. It also makes me more prone to yeast and mastitis...great! It also means that Molly ends up gassy and uncomfortable a lot of the time.

As for the white nipples and aching/burning after feeding...they gave me an article about that too. Turns out it could be a circulation thing that some people who breastfeed get if they have nipple trauma (bad latches, yeast). It usually goes away once the other problems are fixed but if not at least I know this clinic has at least seen this before and has some idea how to treat it.

If I could go back in time I would definitely:

1. Go to a laleche meeting while I was pregnant to establish a community for support and answering questions
2. Make sure that I saw an LC while I was in the hospital when I was having difficulty latching
3. Find out about what breastfeeding clinics there are before I needed them - just in case

Breastfeeding isn't easy for everyone but I'm still not willing to give up on it just yet. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks Molly and I can figure out how to get her to latch deeper, and we can slow down her feeds so that she's not so gassy and uncomfortable. We may even be able to slow down my milk a bit so it's not so overwhelming for her.