Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Reality Check
On Monday I had my 35 week doctor's appointment. I hadn't seen my regular doctor in a month because I've been trying to meet all the other doctor's in her practice that might be present at our birth. When she saw me she knew right away I hadn't been looking after myself. She wasn't too pleased to hear about my work schedule or stress levels. I'd developed another infection and had some other minor things going on and she decided I needed a week off work to see if I could get myself back on track.
Monday was very hard for me. I felt like such a failure. I hated having to tell work that I needed time off even though I think they knew I couldn't keep up with the crazy schedule forever. They have been great about it so far.
Monday was full of tears and sleeping until it was time to go for our doula meeting and last pre-baby birth class. Talk about an emotional day! Putting together our birth plan with Tania and Jen went really well but I was pretty fragile so I can only imagine what they were thinking of me. If nothing else, at least they got a good look at who I am and the kind of pressure I put on myself to succeed. I'm pretty happy with our choice to hire them as our birth partners...they are both very realistic, honest, intuitive and down to earth.
We still have a lot to think about...including what kind of pictures we want taken (if any). I personally can't imagine bringing a camera into the delivery - it seems like too personal of an experience for that but then again I can't imagine not having the outside perspective of what it was like. Much more thought is needed on my part.
I decided Tuesday that not working was stressing me out too much so luckily my boss is allowing to me continue with one of my projects from home and that seems to be going well so far.
My next doctor's appointment is on Friday and then I'll have a better idea of whether or not I should be going back to work.
It's funny, I'm still not hating being pregnant. So many people have told me how hard these last few weeks are but I don't see much difference at all. Writing that has probaby jinxed me.
Monday was very hard for me. I felt like such a failure. I hated having to tell work that I needed time off even though I think they knew I couldn't keep up with the crazy schedule forever. They have been great about it so far.
Monday was full of tears and sleeping until it was time to go for our doula meeting and last pre-baby birth class. Talk about an emotional day! Putting together our birth plan with Tania and Jen went really well but I was pretty fragile so I can only imagine what they were thinking of me. If nothing else, at least they got a good look at who I am and the kind of pressure I put on myself to succeed. I'm pretty happy with our choice to hire them as our birth partners...they are both very realistic, honest, intuitive and down to earth.
We still have a lot to think about...including what kind of pictures we want taken (if any). I personally can't imagine bringing a camera into the delivery - it seems like too personal of an experience for that but then again I can't imagine not having the outside perspective of what it was like. Much more thought is needed on my part.
I decided Tuesday that not working was stressing me out too much so luckily my boss is allowing to me continue with one of my projects from home and that seems to be going well so far.
My next doctor's appointment is on Friday and then I'll have a better idea of whether or not I should be going back to work.
It's funny, I'm still not hating being pregnant. So many people have told me how hard these last few weeks are but I don't see much difference at all. Writing that has probaby jinxed me.
# posted by Dana Corkey @ 5:30 PM 
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Your blog is great! I went back and read it from the beginning. You are a good writer-very entertaining & informative.
Take care of yourself and give yourself a break! I'm sure you're doing great!
Take care of yourself and give yourself a break! I'm sure you're doing great!
# posted by 
: 11:06 AM
: 11:06 AM
It's hard to get to that point where you want to keep going but have to face the fact that some things have to come first! So hard, truly! I remember the first "stress day" I ever had to take at my job (and I wasn't even pregnant) - I decided to stay home, put in earplugs, and do laundry all day. I had to do it. I felt like a stupid moron because "nothing" was wrong but it finally got to the point where I needed to be the fuck away from work or I was going to get really sick and I put it off for as long as I could but I could feel it lurking in the background all the time. I think that day saved me from a month of pneumonia or something!
When we were on the Planet Simpson tour I had to take a day off in Melbourne (5 mo. pregnant) - I cried all day. Just cried and cried. Had to miss all of Turner's media that day, couldn't blog any of it, there are no pictures, because I was in the shower at the hotel, crying. And also thinking: What the fuck!? Crazy. But sometimes the body (or the baby?) takes over.
In the end you're only ever going to be pregnant with your first child once, and although I'm sure everyone is saying, "You have to take care of yourself", I know how hard it can be to pull away from everyday life and focus on the last weeks of being hugely pregnant. I took all of January and February off before Sloane was born and I was SO BORED but also SUCH A PLACENTA-BRAINED MORON that I think if I'd had a regular job they would have fired me, anyway. Maybe you're not noticing a difference in these final weeks leading up to the deliver because of the crazy schedule? Could be.
Anyway, hope you're well, and we're cheering for you from over here in Thailand, and I'm glad you're off! love Ash (& Turner & Sloaner)
When we were on the Planet Simpson tour I had to take a day off in Melbourne (5 mo. pregnant) - I cried all day. Just cried and cried. Had to miss all of Turner's media that day, couldn't blog any of it, there are no pictures, because I was in the shower at the hotel, crying. And also thinking: What the fuck!? Crazy. But sometimes the body (or the baby?) takes over.
In the end you're only ever going to be pregnant with your first child once, and although I'm sure everyone is saying, "You have to take care of yourself", I know how hard it can be to pull away from everyday life and focus on the last weeks of being hugely pregnant. I took all of January and February off before Sloane was born and I was SO BORED but also SUCH A PLACENTA-BRAINED MORON that I think if I'd had a regular job they would have fired me, anyway. Maybe you're not noticing a difference in these final weeks leading up to the deliver because of the crazy schedule? Could be.
Anyway, hope you're well, and we're cheering for you from over here in Thailand, and I'm glad you're off! love Ash (& Turner & Sloaner)
# posted by : 12:03 AM
: 12:03 AM
Dana! I just found your blog from a link on Noels site, I wanted to say Congratulations to you personally. I have wet eyes over here in Cambridge reading all about your new family! I'm very proud of you guys and reading about you guys makes it feel like yesterday when you were here! Have fun Dolly! Love, Heather and Ian
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# posted by : 5:24 PM
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